So I'm glad to hear that some people are still reading this. I'll keep writing if people keep reading. Actually, I'll probably write no matter what because I'm an internet addict and this justifies spending more time on the internet.

Putting on weight is a bitch, as I'm sure some of you know (well Jonny at least). I've tried the whole supplement thing, and while it works, it's so damn expensive. The all natural route is ideal, but I can eat 5000 calories a day and still weigh the same week after week. Bah! Does anyone have any tips to put on clean weight? I.e. no fast/processed food.

I'm starting to realize that I really did miss out a lot on my degree by focusing purely on the math and philosophy. While watching Little Miss Sunshine with Ian, I didn't catch nearly as many sublties as he, which makes me wonder how much else I'm missing out on.

I got Bas Rutten's workout CD's for my birthday, and good god is it a hard workout. It's mostly boxing and muay thai, but he has a general workout cd as well. The dvd shows you how to do everything, and you just pop a cd in your player and follow what he calls out. Very simple but a damn hard workout. Also, he is such a character you can't help but smile throughout. Yeah I'm a martial arts geek.

I had a few glasses of vintage Dom yesterday. It was tasty.

I hope all who came to Bamboo for my birthday had as an amazing time as I did. I got what I wanted, I saw everyone who came on the dance floor for most of the evening with big grins on their faces.

Oh man, more Chapter's gift certificates...there is always going to be a backlog of books to read.

Bum!

Current favourite lyric: I think we're going crazy, things don't even phase me, her left eye is lazy, nicotine and gravy

I had a really sad dream on Saturday night after the party. Then I woke up and thought to myself, "Thank god I'm still drunk!"

I've been thinking a lot about intention lately. What generally starts it off is that so many people have issues with Ultimate Fighting because the "intention" is to hurt your opponent. But it's exactly that, your opponent, not the person themselves. The fighters make a distinction between the person and the fighter, because the usually go out for drinks afterwards. So it gets me thinking about whether intention is something that is subject to specificity or if it's about the generalized principles of it. Is it important to just not have any "bad" intentions, or that they are acceptable in certain circumstances? "Bad" is subjective too. Using the UFC example, I could argue that the fighters really have good intentions, because it means they respect their opponent enough to get in the ring with them and do their job without holding any grudges.

Anywho, prime rib is calling my name. See you all next week.

I've been reading more Harlan Ellison, and the collection "Paingod and Other Delusions" has really struck me in awe. I have never read something that is so honest and utterly true. There have been several times where I have just felt emotion come forth in my chest, because I feel as if someone out there I have finally connected with.

Some of my favourite phrases in the book:

- One night some years ago, maybe five or six, I woke up in the darkness and saw words burning bright-red on the ceiling of my bedroom. ARE YOU AWARE OF HOW MUCH PAIN THERE IS IN THE WORLD?

- I am a selfish sonofabitch who contributes to "good causes" because I feel shitty if I don't.

- There's no absence of love in the world, only worthy places to put it.

- I know that pain is the most important thing in the universes. Greater than survival, greater than love, greater than even the beauty it brings about. For without pain there can be no pleasure. Without sadness there can be no happiness. Without misery there can be no beauty.

- But if there were no opposite to beauty, if there was no opposite to pleasure, it would all turn to dust, to waste.

- The moment of truth stood high above him, resplendent in marble and truth, but there would be no other moments.

I'm off to write (not type) a letter to Harlan because this has been one of the few times I've been truly thankful for a book. If you have any books that have shook you to the that unnameable part of yourself, let me know to pass around that feeling. It surely is a unique one.

The more I think about everything, the more confusing it all becomes. Socrates was once noted for saying that a wise man is one who realizes he/she knows nothing. Now, I'm not saying I'm wise, but my knowledge seems superfluous. There has been a hidden world that has been only just revealed to me, and I plain don't know what to make of it.

Decisions that once seemed obvious, now seem convoluded and alien. I don't know what to make of reality, and I can't stop thinking about it.

An existential crisis of sorts, except that I don't even understand the problem.

If there is no meaning to the universe, then does anything truly exist? Can something exist without reason? If so, how can we attach meaning to objects whether concrete or abstract?

Can you ever know yourself? Can you ever truly know someone else? Does it matter?

It's weird, but these questions actually are worrying me. Because the answers (if those exist...) dictate the responses to other questions and decisions that I have.

On a sidenote, my friend Steve found an interesting pamphlet on Nihilism distributed by a Christian cult. It gave very poor answers, hopefully I can find some better ones.

Oh man, just over 3 days until Shambhala. It's going to be a disgustingly good festival.

I've randomly run into a few people (friends and randoms) who by chance are going as well. This is going to be a blast, I'm glad I'll know a few people now.

Had a bit of a potluck dinner except only with appetizers and there were only 4 of us. So I guess a more apt description is we all brought some food over to Adrian's. I make a kickass brushetta by the way.

This was followed by the first night out dancing since the foot was fractured. It's all good now, I can still give 'er all night long. I've forgotten how much I missed Bamboo, it's the shit.

I was talking with a few randoms at Bamboo, and it's funny because everyone has the same schedule of bars. Hai Karate Thursday at Hi-Fi and Saturday at Bamboo. This city needs more funk dammit!

Getting home when the sun is way past rising is odd. Seeing people on the train going to work when I'm just done partying makes me re-evaluate my lifestyle. Maybe.

I doubted it before, but psychology is getting to be a very accurate field. I took a personality test and the results are damn near spot on. I thought I was the only one! (There's a whole 1 percent of us in the general population).