oh boy.

At work here, and havin a wee bit of a panic attack. hahaha. I think I've been denying it for awhile, but the fact I'm leaving is really setting in. Given the fact that I don't really have to think to do my work right now, I'm just sitting here going over everything in my head, being a friggin recursive function, and building up nervousness.

Like jeebus, Houston? What the hell? And then Europe? For a year? And I don't even know what really to expect, other than I will be doing something in regards to seismic.

This reminds me of when I had my layover in Vancouver on my way to Bangkok. I had a major panic attack, just sitting there, everything sinking in. But hell, everything is setup, knuckle up.

Shame on you!

Oh a few things have been rattlin around my noggin.

The first being the idea of equality. The NDP and other socialist types are always pushing they want everything to be "equal" for everyone. What the hell does that mean? I mean, give everyone the same thing? Because I don't see that as being equal. I may be unhappier with something than someone else, so I think it has to do more with happiness. And this makes sense, some people are completely content with fast food, whereas to give me a similar level of happiness I need a fine dining experience. So, mine costs more, does it not? So, what to do about this? Well, I'm starting to realize that our current system has developed to an extent the kind of equality that I'm talking about. Think about it, if you want more, you gotta work more or use your natural talents. If you're content with the status quo, then that's fine too.

I realize I have kind of an implicit assumption that intelligence means you deserve more. I think it does, it gives you breadth and depth of experience and reasoning. I know, I'm not making much sense right now, just lemme be.

Have you seen that Simpsons where Bart goes to France and is forced to pick grapes for dirty Frenchmen? Remember the scene, "You take the grape between your fingers, twist, and put in the bucket. See? Now do it a million times!" That is kinda how my work feels right now, "See this hyperbola, click certain points, do it a million times!"

Why does everyone have the Starbucks hate, but nobody says a damn thing about Tim Horton's? At least Starbucks makes a top quality product and not just a coffee flavoured beverage. When I walk into any Starbucks, I know that I'm guaranteed the same venti cappucino every time, and it'll be the best one I can buy. What more do you really want out of your coffee store?

Here's a painting done of me, by one of my favourite people: I love the fact that my cheeks are uber rosy on it.


If you listen to music through a digital device (CD player, MP3's, iPod, whatever), all you are listening to is a computer doing math on an electric signal. Crazy huh?

To all my friends, I will be leaving soon. I hope you can see me before I do, because it's gonna be awhile before I'm back again. So, come shake your booty with me on the dancefloor one last time.

Ideas of perfection are running amok in my skull. I think of swimming sometimes and everything behind a single race. Hundreds, if not thousands of hours going back and forth, pushing your body through the motions, the feel of the water passing across my hands, lingering soreness. Going to school after a morning workout, and leaving to go to another. Having the headmaster ask me if I was on drugs, because I had constant circles under my eyes due to lack of sleep and tight fitting goggles. Calculating split times, planning out a race, doing visualization techniques, the smell of chlorine always in my nose.

And you finally get there, to the big swim meet. Waiting around, fighting boredom, having to do rediculously long warm ups, and getting your card to wait for your heat. Finally getting on the block, feeling the rough surface of the diving block, and you go. All that work and preperation, for that 5 minutes or less (I was a 400m freestyle or IM expert). It's crazy when everything just works right, your body performs better than you could imagine, you pull ahead, lungs burning, body screaming at you, and somehow you're still doing it. That final touch of the pad, looking up to see your time, and holy crap, you just did a personal best. Good job, do it all over again.

I was watching a clip from a documentary on Mike Tyson, which inspired my swimming thinking, and I think how sad it is. This man with so many gifts, and who worked so hard, and it's all been thrown away. Click here if you want to see it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XPkn8VCpNmc&eurl=

I was listening to a Scottish fellow on the train talking to a guy my age who was getting his diploma/degree to become a chef. It was really interesting, because he was saying to get good at anything requires about 5 years or more. After about 2 years, you can become proficient, but there's almost something magical about 5 years. So don't be afraid of education people, it takes time, and it's worth it.

What else is new? Not much. I think I screwed up my rotator cuff working out, so won't be lifting for awhile. Le sigh.

I want to build something, with my hands. I don't know what though, because I'm terrible at building things. Something out of wood would be cool though. The only thing I can think of is a baseball bat, mostly due to the Simpsons, and I have no use for a bat.

Blah, anyways, my friends are harassing me to come out, I'm sure I'll update more later.

Ok, here goes...

Tonight I was thinking about why I love mixed martial arts so damn much. I realize that I guess the big reason is how the mind-body problem plays out in it. The way I think about it, broadly, is that there are two major influencing factors, as expected, the mental game and the physical game. When trying to analyze the sport, you look at all these mental facets, like gameplan, knowledge of the art, so called "heart"; and then the physical: conditioning, sparring and training, etc... But the thing about these is that they all work in combination, seemless so to speak. The whole is greater than the sum of it's parts. Also, each part isn't strictly mind or body, knowing a martial art requires training of ones muscles to have strength and move in a certain manner. So it's really kind of a sliding scale of proportion for each identifiable part of a fighter. But the unknowns truly are how he interacts with the other fighter. I think there is no greater challenge, and therefore greater physical demand than having to face a fellow person with all that you have, your body and mind.

I know I use the sliding scale to describe things quite often and some of you may wonder why. I see it as a logical deduction if either you don't have a clear path, or the path discrete and quantifiable. I think of it the Real Number Line, where if you had a infinitely thin knife and were to try to cut it, you'd run into a point every time. It's one of the bigger types of infinity, and that should cover everyone's qualms about not having enough space or choices.

Speaking of the physical body, I'm finding more and more about myself. When you work out, you have to roughly develop your body using various techniques. It's not an exact science, kinda rough. But as you train more and more, I find it really interesting to watch how there always seems to be a new weakest link in the body. This is true with any network, try reading Six Degrees. Anywho, right now it is my wrists and hands, as I have only done very specific grip training. The hands are very complex and as a result we have many different types of grip strength. The ability how hold something heavy is different than clamping a spring/whatever together is different from pinching something together. It's crazy. So here's a good article on it for whomever is interested: http://www.grapplearts.com/Grip-Strength-Training.htm

I saw "The Insider" the other day, a really great movie. I highly recommend it. The discussion that they did do on cigarrettes themselves was actually scary to me; because I realize it's actually happening. The reason for the chemicals is to a controlled release (i.e. as fast as possible) of nicotine; a nicotine delivery device.

The semi-colon is the new comma.

Having a hobby is important, gotta improve yourself in some way.

More later,

Joshy Poshy

Well, it has been awhile, I wonder if anyone still visits my little ol' blog.

Here's an interesting tidbit of information for you all: for every calorie of food you eat, you use 10 calories of energy (electricity, etc...) and that's not including any transportation. We are fuckin gluttons for energy.

I'm determined to get my hands on a Gros Michel banana! I'm a banana conessieur dammit! They can't ALL be extinct, there must be a few somewhere. I'll pay a pretty penny for one.

After watching a documentary on oil and suburbia, I realize how truly fucked we are. Honestly, absolutely everything depends on oil. EVEN alternative fuel sources like hydrogen (the best way to produce it is with methane, or electrolysis which requires energy as well), ethanol (all pesticides and fertilizers used are petroleum products as well as transportation of everything relies on oil), and anything else you can think of. We're officially boned because world oil production is reaching a peak as we speak. The Saudi's have claimed to have the same oil reserves for the past 10 years, the wells in the Gulf of Mexico have pressure dropping rapidly, China is growing at a tremendous rate, what else can I think of? Oh yeah, all it takes to screw everything up is one crazy guy armed with explosives to get into the refinery in Saudi Arabia. So what's the solution? Invest in the oil sands people, we live next to possibly the greatest oil reserve in the calmest political environment. That being said, we can't waste it, because like everything in life, once it's gone, it's gone for good.

Oh man, I just dumped probably a 6 tablespoons (unwittingly I swear!) of flax seed into my shake this evening. I guess I'm going on a "cleanse" tommorow.

I'm suprised at how many people don't understand basic problem solving, even at my work. Even more to the point, how misinterpreted the word "problem" is. Most people approach a "problem" as a bad thing, but I see it as a good thing. It's something to do for one, and I get a chance to get a mental workout. Also, something that is in need of resoution gets, well, resolved. There ain't nothin bad about it.

Advice to everyone: Constantly eat throughout the day, and eat healthy. You constantly will have energy, and just be brighter, happier and do everything better. Not only that, it can help you lose weight, keep your blood sugar levels constant, and is good if you're fidgety like me.

Goddamn, reading about fitness is such a pain sometimes. Just when I think I've found a really good answer, I read an article that completely shuts it down and makes perfect sense. Perhaps it's best not to completely buy into anyone one philosophy, but just take what you can from each. That being said, I'm probably nowhere near the level needed to really take advantage of this stuff. I'm allowed to overanalyze, aren't I?

And you know what the best advice I've heard, fitness wise, is? Lift a heavy bar off the ground over your head. Try it.

Current favourite lyric: Baby, you know we can't be stopped. Come here and kiss my neck. Some things were made to be wasted.

You know what really aggravates me? Being on a crowded train, trying to keep your balance, and some...asshole is has their headphones jacked up so high everyone in the car can hear the shitty ass metal they are listening to. Yeah, you really need to get that pumped before you go to your job selling Gap clothing. RAWR!

I'm determined to be successful, very successful. That isn't such a bad thing, is it?

I'm also really sick of these black hairs that keep popping up on my back and the ingrown hairs everywhere else. You're not welcome! Leave quietly! Bah!

Anywho, bed is calling my name. I have much more to say (it has been awhile), so I'll post more Sunday I imagine.