Where is my mind? In the Kootenay's, dreaming of electric beats...

The Calgary Folk Festival has just ended here, and I went to quite a bit of it. I didn't get a chance to see the workshops (due to repeated hangovers), but the evening shows were fun. Neither Matt Good nor Ani DiFranco really offended me with their political views, in fact I really enjoyed their shows. But I did get tired of all the women studies majors during Ani...but I kept that one to myself. I could've seen a lynching happening for sure.

The job hunt is ever present, with not too much luck so far. I had a pie in the sky dream of being a physics programmer, and then reality set in and I realize that I don't really know how to program...

My foot is getting much better, and I can walk about without the aircast now (and even dance a little). Therefore the heavy bag downstairs has gotten some use, and I've vented some frustration into it. Good ol' inanimate objects, they'll take whatever abuse you can dish out to them.

Got drunk for the first time since being back in Canada and how! Wine and beer make for fun all around. Add a touch of unjustified ranting about why I hate Kanye and that's a good time.

DJ Qbert and Casual playing seperate shows on the same night? Seriously, couldn't the hip hop promoters just talked to each other and made sure the only 2 good acts in awhile play on seperate nights? I hate decisions.

I want to sit outside with a significant other, feed each other grapes and enjoy the sun.

I've had some women choose some weird ways to pick me up. An older lady was trying to complement me by asking if I was from Winnipeg because I had good style, because apparently Calgarians have no style. As I was walking past Cowboys to find a cab, a girl kicked me in the ass to get my attention. I've always thought "Hello, my name is..." is a classy way to get my attention, I guess I'm just boring.

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I'm looking to instantiate an idea or concept. But an arbitrary choice would kind of burst the bubble. It isn't something you can do half assed, or do well half assed.

Wow, iTunes's party shuffle is eclectic. I was just listening to rap about smashing brains in followed by "Girls! Girls! Girls!" by Liz Phair.

I have been thinking about Greco Roman wrestling. Then I started thinking about why I always want to do rediculous combat sports. I guess it's sort of the idealization behind it and the kind of mysticism that men associate with gladitorial combat (or at least I do). I like the idea of being a beast in the ring, and a perfect gentleman all other times. Sort of a balance I guess.

I suppose that's all for now. Hope everyone is doing well. More on the stream of my consciouness later.

*sigh*, what can be said of my little life? That's a good question.

Seeing friends and family is nice, but I feel as if I have nothing to say to anyone. I can sit quietly through a party or bar and not feel an urge to say a single word. And I'm not sure as to why this is.

Everything that I have ended up thinking about recently, I have tried to make analogous situations in science. I feel that the descriptive words used by many people in non-science topics are vague and ill-defined. I want an analogous situation where the terms being used are precise and concise. While I know that to some people this flies in the face of Nietzsche and most post-modern literature, I stick my tongue out to you.

Nietzsche doesn't piss me off so much, but everyone quoting him pisses me off. While his work was influential, it is often misinterpreted as the be all and end all of modern philosophy. His work tends make people believe that there isn't much else left to discuss, when in reality there are plenty of philosophical problems left and I don't think ol' Fredrich was completely right anyways. I think he was a product of his times and made some good arguments against the philosophers of the times, but he is by no means an answer. He just redefined the terms we have to work with, or approached the problem (of everything I guess) from a different direction. There are no answers in philosophy, just definitions of what is at stake.

Well enough of my vague philosophical ramblings. I'm reading The Lurking Fear and Other Stories by H.P. Lovecraft. I can see why his work is considered classic in the horror genre. I like the idea of unameable, unspeakable horror which drives you mad just by seeing it. His use of adjectives is both precise and vague, which seems contradictory, but it stimulates the imagination.

So here's me with my tickets to fun this summer. The Folk Music Festival looks interesting, maybe I can expand my mind into the indie and acoustic rock...as doubtful as it seems now. Shambhala looks like a crazy good time, and I keep hearing nothing but great things. I'll be in fine dancin mood for it, shoulder shimmy, ass wigglin and all. You gotta get up before you can get down.

I've been hobbling about, trying to figure out the rest of my summer, life, and future in general. My main goal has been to try to find something of passion in my life in which I can focus on and enjoy if not only for a little while. And I've come to 2 conclusions.

The first is that I really enjoy helping people and helping them with their problems. So I think the first step is to look into getting myself involved with either a mentoring program or volunteer work at one of the many agencies throughout Calgary. Even if it's only a couple of days a week, I think it will help fulfill my urge to help bring happiness in other people's lives.

The second is music. As chance would have it, it seems that this summer will be one of music festivals. I've gotten my 4 day pass to the Calgary Folk Music Fest, which looks to have a rediculously good lineup. As well, my fellow wandering philosopher Steve has convinced me to join him at Shambhala in August, a 3 day electronic music festival in BC. Now I'm looking into a DJ Shadow concert with Massive Attack in Berkeley, CA for Sept 22. If I can afford it, I am sooo going to be there. If anyone knows of any other good festivals/concerts in western Canada (i.e. Alberta, BC) this summer, let me know, I may very well be interested. Also contact me if you want to join on the current schedule, the more the merrier.

So besides this recent ephiphanies, the current goal is to setup a job for September over the next couple of weeks. Hopefully the job market for mathematicians is holding strong.

It's very interesting, I had not a hint of traveller's diaherrea whilst in Thailand. It was great. However, I've come home here and it's been terrible! Good lord, I've never been so tired of my bathroom in my entire life.

Other interesting news is that I lost quite a bit of weight in Thailand. I'm seriously wondering how I lost 16lbs in 3 weeks, that's like 5lbs a week! Will have to wait until I'm healed up again so I can get back to the gym and make that up.

What else to say about Calgary? I'm seeing more and more immigrant families here, especially African families. This is great to see, and I'm really happy that these people can come here and take the opportunities that other Canadians are rejecting. Calgary feels more alive and feels more like a city now. I think in a few years we are going to have a unique culture and much better arts scene. Variety is the spice of life.

Good to see the family and friends again. I feel like a lot in my life is changing and I have to gear up for getting my career going, otherwise I'll harp on the past. So if anyone knows of any companies who need mathematicians, just drop me a line.

Aloha all! Well it's been a very interesting few days here. After my harrowing experience in Koh Samui, I had taken a bus to Bangkok. On the journey, I ran into a German man who claimed to be very wealthy and he invited me to crash at his pad when we got to Bangkok. Since I was lonely and hurt (physically that is) I decided that this may be a good idea. However throughout the evening on the bus I overheard several of his conversations, and his careers kept switching from real estate developer to furniture sales to...even once, claiming he was a police officer. So obviously red flags went up! However, he invited to other Canadian girls to help find where they needed to go, so being chivalrous as I am, I decided to join to make sure that they were allright. After taking on us on a bit of a roundabout route, we all ended up at his "apartment" which was sketchy! I had talked to one of the girls however, and formulated a plan. We all got out of there, I conviently used an excuse that we knew of a mutual friend in town that I had to go see, and off I went through Bangkok again.

So with that out of the way I had decided that it was time to get the hell out of Thailand. My foot kept aching more and more, so it was a matter of finding a flight home. Since JAL and my travel agent screwed me around, I ended up having to buy a flight home with China Airlines. Let me tell you all, organizing a flight on 4 hours of sleep and then sleeping in a ghetto with a busted foot pushed me to my limit.

I am home now, and the doctor has said that I have a spiral fracture on the bone connecting my middle toe on my left foot. I'm stuck wearing a air cast (for those who remember my sprained ankle) for the next 2-4 weeks. Such is life.

Thailand was a very unique experience and I can't wait to share my stories with you all. Call me or e-mail me, because now the rest of my summer is free and I'm looking for fun interesting things to do!

Hello all, not too much to say. Got to a new island, Koh Samui here and it's...average at best. Apparently I've been to the best place (Koh Phangan) so yeah... I'm thinking of going home pretty quick here. My foot has just been getting worse, which makes walking and even standing pretty hard. Not to mention that I'm surrounded by people who look at me in horror despite my big shit eating grin. I think about all I've said in the past 12 hours to anyone has been no to the countless offers of drugs, taxi drivers, prostitutes, and cheap consumer wares being pushed in my face at every opportunity.

I've been trying my best, honestly I have. But I'm unsure how much longer I can go on this way for before I start becoming bitter. I know that I've learned many things about myself and about the world, but I know I'm not going to learn anything in anger or frustration. The beaches are nice, but if anyone knows me, I'm not one to sit on a beach all day. I need to get around and do things, which is pretty much impossible right now.

I hope all is well with everyone, and I'm doing ok. Just very bored and tired all the time. However, enough of my bitching, time to go out and make the best of this town.

Oh lordy me, booze calls my name and I answer with a resounding hollar of "YES!". But seriously, I've been out and about, drinking, making friends and all that jazz. I've also done much pondering, which is something which I can't seem to prevent. So here is what has been passing through my stream of consciousness as of late.

I recently finished a book by Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle called "A Mote in God's Eye." I know that I've raved and ranted about it to a few people, and your probably sick and tired of that by now so I'll make it concise as I can. Besides being one of THE best sci-fi novels I have ever read, it dealt with some of the fundamental aspects of humanity. That being, the human condition of always thinking that there is a solution to every problem. It is best summed up in the story as told by the Greek Herotodus (as mentioned in the book). A thief is brought before the king, and the king decrees his execution. The thief says, "See that horse over there? I promise you in one year, I will make that horse sing." The king, being amused, agrees and gives him one year. So back in prison, all the other inmates see this poor fool singing softly to the horse and unaimously say, "What're you? Stupid?" and the thief replies, "Many things may happen in the next year. The king may die, I may die, or...I might just teach this horse to sing." The point being, he's bought himself a year, and the problem may yet be solved.

The next thing I saw was the movie Brokeback Mountain. Luckily enough, I missed the tent scene (whew!), but I saw about 3/4 of the movie. I have to admit that it was a very sad movie, and when I look at the characters, I ask myself, who really lived? Jack may have met an unfortunate end at the hands of ignorant fools, and Innis hid the truth well and lived a long life. But by denying himself, I don't think Innis lived at all. He existed sure, but to deny oneself of love isn't really living at all, in my mind.

So where am I going with this you might ask? Well, as everyone probably knows me pretty well, I like to generalize. I'm a mathematician, what can I say? So I've constantly searched for that one thing that makes everyone human and is common to all. For awhile I thought it was awe at the universe, because everyone looks up into the stars with wonder. But now I realize it's something much more human, and that is it is utterly human to have hope. That is what faith is, that is what problem solving is, and that's really what love is; or so I've concluded so far. If you resign yourself to the fact that this is the way the world is, and you can't do anything about it, you lose your humanity. Having hope that things will work out, that a relative will live through a disease, that there is a solution, or that that long lost love will ultimately come to be again, is to be human I think.

So, that's what's been eating my time recently and I'd like to hear what everyone thinks. Am I right, am I wrong, or am I slowly going crazy? Well, I plan to go party some more here tonight, and I wish everyone the best.

Josh's tips and notes for a moon party:

- A big glow in the dark painting on you will have everyone coming up to talk

- Irish people are great

- Only Redbull will get you to sunrise

- Talking philosophy will make every girl look doe eyed at you at the table

- Seeing your muay thai trainer work the bar is like being busted both ways

- I might deny it later, but I live for nights like that

- A sunburn looks like a great tan in the dark

- Granola with fruit and yoghurt is a great hangover cure

So that's all for now, I'm going to the Shiva moon party tommorow, we'll see how that goes. Here's a picture of me looking extremely hungover, sunburned and sheepish.

Well aloha all! So since Friday I have been nursing a messed up left foot. The official title of the injury is metalasalgia (I think I spelled it right) and basically it's a dislocation of the joint in my middle toe. So that means I'm out of serious working out for a week at least.

While this has been trying and somewhat heartbreaking, I have decided instead of being my usual mopey ol' self, I'm determined to have a damn good time. That's why as of now, I've had a few drinks and am preparing for a half moon party (in the middle of the jungle no less!) in Hadrin here.

Descartes eloquently stated that "I think therefore I am" and this sums up one of the major issues in philosophy, i.e. the mind body problem. Often discredited as being wrong on almost all accounts, I can't help but recognize what Descartes was trying to get at. I think there is a universal feeling that there is a seperation between our mental and physical states. This is why monks can undergo extreme physical pain in favour of their spiritual/mental bliss. I think that my major issue has been trying to focus on my physical issues (what kind of shape I'm in) and have used this to ignore what kind of mental state I'm in.

Therefore my decision (as of now at least) is to put off my Muay Thai training for a little while. I was finding that it seemed more like a job than anything else, and what's the point of a vacation if you feel like your working? So, I think the my solution, as trite as it may sound, is to go find myself and finally listen to what everyone has been telling me. There's always a time and place to get in shape, and admittedly Calgary has some of the best Muay Thai in the world (see the Mike Miles link). However, there is only so much time (and money) where I can truly explore what it is to be...Josh.

This all being said, the current goal is to get out of Koh Phangan and go meet some interesting folk and have all those "life experiences" that everyone raves about. I think that if I keep pushing myself physically, I will only experience more pain and anguish. This is a sign that I will injure myself further and probably to a greater extent. So I'm off to go party in the jungle, meet crazy people and have some damn fun.

This all being said, I sure as hell use the word "and" way too much; therefore I need a better connective for sentences. I'm speaking to you, you writers (Ian...). As well, I'm scared as hell about drugs out here, I keep hearing horror stories about people being tossed in jail for even passing a joint (60,000 baht bribe, I don't think so!), so if I ever see one I'll probably run off into the bushes screaming.

I hope all is well with everyone who cares to read my rather busy blog, and please e-mail if you have anything that might help me in my adventures (or spiritually, or whatever!). Things are getting better and all it required was a paradigm shift of my consciousness (only!). Hell, I use brackets too much as well (too many ideas, so little space). Adios and see you on the other side.